The Blue Skies of Autumn by Elizabeth Turner

Author:Elizabeth Turner [Elizabeth Turner]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781847378439
Publisher: Simon and Schuster

Chapter Ten

It was almost six months to the day when I was finally able to make the journey to Manhattan to see where my husband had died. I had decided to travel with Celine – one of Simon’s best friends and one of William’s godmothers. She is such a strong, independent woman, and I knew why Simon loved her so much. They had a huge connection and I felt that some of it had transferred to me following Simon’s death. It would be an important journey for her too, because she had been due to fly out with Simon for the conference. At the last minute she’d had to change her plans and stayed in London.

As we pulled out of the Lincoln Tunnel Celine and I quickly looked down towards the end of Manhattan, waiting to see the huge gap in the skyline where the World Trade Center had previously stood defiantly in the sky. That night, a thick fog lay over the whole of the island and we couldn’t see a thing. In remembrance of the six-month anniversary the city of New York had installed two massive lights that faced up to the sky, ethereal versions of the Twin Towers. I imagined them being like ghosts, as Simon was. But that night wasn’t the moment for us to see any of this, and we quietly made our way into Manhattan. The whole city tasted, smelt and felt like Simon and it was strange to be there after thinking about it for six months. I kept expecting him to appear. I was scared. What horrors, fears and nightmares would this journey bring up? Or would it be healing and nourishing and help me to move forward?

When I woke up the next morning I felt sick again. The apprehension of what lay ahead was already there. It was a Tuesday morning and I’d arrived in Manhattan late on Monday night, just like Simon. I felt as though I were following in his footsteps. In the morning he’d phoned me just after having his shower and before he went to the World Trade Center, and I found I was doing exactly the same thing. I woke up and showered and then I phoned Jan to speak to William before I started to make my way to Ground Zero. Even with all the shocks I had already encountered since September the similarity of the day still stopped me in my tracks. I ran over to the window to see what the sky looked like. I was hoping that it would be thick fog like the night before, but instead it was a vivid blue without a single cloud.

A clothing ritual was developing as each event took place. I got dressed in a pair of trousers, a top and a jacket that Simon had told me he liked. I also chose a big black coat he loved. I’d worn it to both his memorial services and it seemed appropriate therefore to be wearing it to his real grave.

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